Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
