I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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