Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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