How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
