So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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