but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize