so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
