just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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