Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
