Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
