I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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