I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
