This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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