Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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