she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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