did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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