if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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