Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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