it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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