I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
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the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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