Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
