My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
