I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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