i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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