Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
