do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
