I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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