Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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