Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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