I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
