You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
