Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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