Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
