At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
