arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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