how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
