apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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