Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
