I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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