She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
