Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
