I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
