Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
