he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
