When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
