Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
