I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?