TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.