He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
