I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.