and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.