I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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