Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just gargled with NyQuil
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
