I'm gonna have a badass scar
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.