Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
