If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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