i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
