So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
