I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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