Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
