Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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