Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
