i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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