Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
