I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
