Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
