If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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