i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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