your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
