she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
