Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
